Woman, Raise a Man You’d Marry

WOMAN | Woman, Raise a Man You’d Marry | Wednesday, May 9 | 7.00 pm | Article by Jaymee |

Historically, mothers are known to raise their daughters to be women who can take responsibility for their lives and homes in the future. More truth is that they also completely overlook the upbringing of boys. These are left for men [who then raise boys like themselves] and there is really nothing wrong with that. Or is there?

Many mothers do know what kind of man they want their sons to be, but one question runs through my mind – Are you ready to raise that confident, self-sufficient and confident man you’d marry? To raise such a man will take more than mere thoughts and wishes. It will take action and certain measures.

Taking a look at our present society, there seems to be more adult men who are boy-like in character and attitude. It becomes frustrating and exhausting for the girls they date and wives they marry because many are ill equipped to face the realities of this world. One mother wants a good girl for her son just the same way another mother wants a good man for her daughter. You can be proud that you raised a son that meets the criteria of being referred to as a good man. We want adults who can be responsible members of the society.

While writing this article, I interviewed some mothers, both married and single, to get additional suggestions on how mothers can raise their sons to be good and responsible men.

This is how to raise a man you’d marry:

  1. Teach them Basic Life Skills: It is not only the responsibility of the girls to do house chores and other menial duties around the house, it is also essential for the boys to learn too. Why will a young man not know how to clean the house, make the bed, wash the dishes or practice personal hygiene? Why can’t he fix broken things, learn how to mend a zip or do general house stuffs? It is bad if he grows up with the mentality that he has to wait for the woman to fix things around the house. Do not focus only on making your daughters homely, direct the energy to your sons too, so they can be supportive husbands and fathers.
  2. Teach them Independence: Many mothers make the mistake of not teaching their sons independence. They are late to realize that at a point in a man’s life, he has to take decisions on his own independent of his mother’s emotional support. I watched the bond shared between my mother and the last son of my family, and how painful it was to watch him make life’s decisions without intrusion from her. You should only advice your son who is above 18, without interfering or making him abide by your rules. If he has to depend on you for everything in life, this will be a hindrance to him growing up and an obstacle in his relationship. Girls usually avoid “mama’s boys” because they always remain boys.
  3. Teach them Emotional Stability: The stereotypical belief of the society is that men are weak if they show emotions and feelings. As such, men have seen it as normal to bottle up and lock all inside. Society tags a man as one who is able to hide what he feels and does not open up. Some men deal with emotions by being aggressive. But I believe a good man is one who is good at speaking up, managing his emotions and controlling his anger. Teach your son that emotions, feelings, disappointment, anger, failure and betrayal are a part of life. Yes, it may take time to heal, but they will eventually pass. Do not abandon him to deal with it alone, help him open up to you and assure him that you care and he can trust you. Put yourself in his shoes and let him know you feel his pain and help him not to give up.
  4. Teach them Discipline: Instill discipline in your sons, and give them rules and regulations to abide by, with corresponding punishment for the violation of such rules. Do not give excuses for his mischievous acts or wrong doing by saying all boys are like that.
  5. Teach them Responsibility: Teaching a boy to be a man means teaching him to be responsible.  Responsibility is an act of commitment to oneself, the society, family and loved ones. It is the state of being answerable or accountable for a trust or obligation. Teach them to do the right things at the right time, and have a sense of taking responsibilities for his actions, thoughts and be able to make good decisions.

Other Ways to Raise Good Men:

  • Give him proper sex education
  • Education on financial prudence
  • Teach him empathy
  • Teach him self esteem
  • Teach him to respect others
  • Show him affection and love

Dear WOMAN, let’s interact. What other ways would you raise a man you’d marry?

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